I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize