no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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