my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
that may or may not have been my penis.
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