I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
