Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
