Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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