The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
