Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
