ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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