I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
