Screwed.edu
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
