anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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