I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
