You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
