Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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