I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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