my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and she was petting her beer can
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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