I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
