You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
