You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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