he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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