I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
