You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
