I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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