drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
