Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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