If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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