ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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