Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
