i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
