god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
