it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
