If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
