dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
