I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
