dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
