after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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