Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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