I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
