I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
