I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
