she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
