My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
