my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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