if you like me you must not know who I am
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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