I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
