There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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