worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
