I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
