my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
