I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
