I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do herpes really smell.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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