Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
