the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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