Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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