New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
