I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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