1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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