It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
