I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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