I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
