I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize