Can i not drive my cunt home
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
