He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
