it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
