"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
