Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
