she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
