dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
