He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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