It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
